IN(TER)JECTIONS

i've talked before about how i like getting injections and having blood tests. there's something quite cyborgian and porous about either watching a foreign substance enter your muscle or seeing your warm blood filling a clear tube. it makes me feel like i'm physically connected to other places - where my blood goes to be looked at and examined and disposed of: i'm there; where this vaccine comes from and travels: i'm there.*

anyway, i went to get my first dose of cevarix yesterday. "used in females", the literature says; "some women like to put this on a transferrable record" says the person who administers the vaccine. "not just women, clearly" i interject, and we laugh. before this, when i arrive at the sexual health clinic the receptionist asks "is this for the PATRICIA study?" "yes, for the follow up." "and what's your name?" i tell him, he phones the office, says, "jonathan is here for his appointment". A+, sexual health clinic receptionist. got the pronouns right even though that study is for a cervical cancer vaccine. afterwards, the curtains around the area drawn back, a nurse looks at me oddly, drops her gaze. i guess she overheard us talking about pap tests. these things don't bother me so much on a personal level any more, and i actually find it fun to sometimes fuck with people. and yet, and yet.

today i have an appointment at northside clinic, because i couldn't get a hold of carlton to see my usual doctor. i wonder how that will go? i'm interested to see if the doctor asks any stupid questions, mispronouns me, or whatever. i'm not anxious, but perhaps i'm a little nervous. i haven't seen a doctor other than my usual GP or the PATRICIA study person for about two years. i guess being trans is like any number of other things, in that my history is a constant interjection, heckling cisnormative presumptions. sometimes the person on stage takes it in their stride. sometimes i don't want the rest of the audience to turn around and stare.


* of course there are ethical issues this makes visible, some of which michelle o'brien talks about in an excellent essay, tracing this body: transsexuality, pharmaceuticals & capitalism